Pondering last night's incident, I remembered the wise words of my Abbot. He had noticed that I was often doubting everything and myself, often to my detriment. He told me:
"Your doubt can become a good quality if you train it. Ask it, whenever it wants to spoil something for you, why exactly something is bad, demand proofs from it, test it. You will find it perhaps bewildered and embarrassed, perhaps also protesting. Don’t give in. Insist on arguments, remain attentive and persistent, and the day will come when, instead of a destroyer, your doubt will become your best worker of all the ones building your life."
So, today I interrogated my doubt. I asked it why someone as powerful as Aspenstar would go through such elaborate schemes and put so much thought in dispatching someone so irrelevant and unimportant as myself. And my doubt could not answer. I asked it why I would have been given so much help and shown so much kindness, if foul intentions were involved. Again, it remained silent, embarrassed even. It had to concede that a coincidence, or maybe even a navigational error, could not be excluded.
And so, I sent my moping doubt back to that dark recess of my mind from whence it came.
I have been given trust and allowed to dock in this hidden station. I will repay trust with trust, in kind.
((ooc credit: the wise words of the Abbot are from Rainer Rilke's "Letters to a young poet"))
