It was a nice evening out with mr. Ivan Firth, he was more friendly now that his promotion exam was over. In his role as political officer on board of the Indagatrix, he is very uptight and severe, but a few shots of Narkian brandy made him much more relaxed.
We talked about a lot of things, about the Ministry and the Theology council, and I told him about my aspirations, as a child, to become an inquistor. To my surpise, he did not know about that, or perhaps he forgot about it, because I would be surprised if this is not in my MIO background file.
I knew even less than I know now, and I wanted to be a heroic inquisitor chasing heretics across the galaxy. It sounded adventurous to me. And the holomovies about inquisitors beating evil masterminds were fantastic.
But I didn’t pass those exams, I never got the degree. Mind you, I was good at the theoretical courses. But the practical part… I failed grievously on Applied Torture 101.
In that introductory course, students are not working with humans. You learn the basics by training on bunnies and furriers and geese ducklings. Cute animals, to better learn to detach yourself from your subject. I just could not stand the squeaks and shrieks, and the combination of gore and cuddly fluffiness. I fainted every time.
So, professor Dranera, an exquisitely pedagogical bully, figured I should start with something easier. He came up with this idea that I start with torturing a fish. It was a carp, I remember that fish.
This was a public humiliation. He told me in front of the whole class, as he plunked the fishbowl on my torture workbench. He said, ‘Here, that one won’t squeal!’. I was put on the spot, he bellowed out: ‘Savnar, what method will you use on your fish?’ I was nervous and made the wrong snap association in my mind.
I answered ‘waterboarding’.
Everybody laughed, but Dranera was furious. He thought I was mocking him, but it was just nerves acting up and me saying the first association that came to me. I was dismissed from class, and soon after that, I quit the program, and switched to a Theology degree in stead.
I failed to become an Inquisitor because I suggested waterboarding to torture a fish.
