It was a nice evening out with mr. Ivan Firth, he was more friendly now that his promotion exam was over. In his role as political officer on board of the Indagatrix, he is very uptight and severe, but a few shots of Narkian brandy made him much more relaxed.
We talked about a lot of things, about the Ministry and the Theology council, and I told him about my aspirations, as a child, to become an inquistor. To my surpise, he did not know about that, or perhaps he forgot about it, because I would be surprised if this is not in my MIO background file.
I knew
even less than I know now, and I wanted to be a heroic inquisitor
chasing heretics across the galaxy. It sounded adventurous to me. And the holomovies about inquisitors beating evil masterminds were fantastic.
But I
didn’t pass those exams, I never got the degree. Mind you, I was good at the theoretical
courses. But the practical part… I failed grievously on Applied
Torture 101.
In that
introductory course, students are not working with humans. You learn the basics by
training on bunnies and furriers and geese ducklings. Cute animals, to better
learn to detach yourself from your subject. I just
could not stand the squeaks and shrieks, and the combination of gore and cuddly
fluffiness. I fainted every time.
So,
professor Dranera, an exquisitely pedagogical bully, figured I should start
with something easier. He came up with this idea that I start with torturing a
fish. It was a carp, I remember that fish.
This was a public humiliation. He told me in front of the whole class, as he
plunked the fishbowl on my torture workbench. He said, ‘Here, that one won’t
squeal!’. I was put on the spot,
he bellowed out: ‘Savnar, what method will you use on your fish?’ I was nervous
and made the wrong snap association in my mind.
I
answered ‘waterboarding’.
Everybody
laughed, but Dranera was furious. He thought I was mocking him, but it was just
nerves acting up and me saying the first association that came to me. I was
dismissed from class, and soon after that, I quit the program, and switched to a Theology degree in stead.
I failed to become an Inquisitor because I suggested waterboarding to torture a fish.