Bringing our fallen soldiers home

Even with all the learning, all the clerical training, even with my ordination to perform rites, I was not prepared for this. Not prepared for its weight, nor for its impact on me.

One of the Kybernauts reached out to us, with an offer to retrieve our dead. Our Directrix contacted me to help. I agreed to meet this compassionate Kyber in Hek, in Republic space close to the faction warfare zone. We easily demonize our enemies during war, but I was reminded by this action that Kybernauts can be honorable persons, who just like us worry about their families and honor the dead.

I was given access to a hangar where the Kyber had stored the remains of our fallen. The hangar had been purged of its toxic atmosphere and disinfected from mutaplasmids. My contact appeared only via holodrone. 

All the caskets and urns were there. I was shocked at the sheer amount of them. Thousands. I was overcome for a little while, and the Kybernaut let me pray in peace as I reached out to God for strength.

I barely could fit all of them in my cargo hold, I had to strip some stuff and leave probes and other material behind in Hek. Faced with this problem, to my own surprise I had switched from a state of disarray to a mechanical state of duty to be performed. I had turned into a kind of numb robot. I remember thinking about the optimal stacking problem in my cargo hold as if it was some abstract mathematical question.

I managed to fit all of them in my hold, and brought the most precious cargo I have ever transported back to Mehatoor, and from there it went forward to Nahyeen, to the memorial garden.

My "numb robot" state passed when the memorial ceremony began. It was as if, when I saw that I had completed my task, I could finally once again go back to experiencing feelings. They came over me as a shock wave. A wave of row upon row of flag draped caskets and urns. I said a few words during the ceremony, I cannot even remember what I said clearly now, I let my training and clerical instinct take over.

As I cannot fall asleep, I pray. I pray for strength. I pray for the fallen that journeyed home with me. And I pray that I may never get used to such missions.