Conflicting emotions

Yesterday evening was the gala for the literature prizes. Even though such social events with famous people and parties and receptions are definitely not my biotope, I had planned to attend this event since it focuses on books. It warms my librarian heart to see writing celebrated, and I was amazed at the quality of the submitted works, and at creativity and wit of their writers.

But given the events of the past days I could not bring myself to partake in the festivities. Moreover, I had promised some families of our fallen soldiers to visit them. I cannot cut such visits short to go indulge myself. No matter how strongly I support this initiative, I couldn't make myself go.

I was happy to learn that my modest scribblings have earned me a prize! I am grateful to my promotor, lord Garion Avarr. Now I feel that I did the jury a grave disservice by not attending. Conflicting emotions, joy and vanity and a bit of guilt. 

I think there will be a monetary reward, and I have to think what to do with it. I fully intend to keep my vow of poverty, and at this moment I do not need more money to pursue my quest. I will reflect on how to put this to good use.